An Everton supporter is walking through the streets of Liverpool when he sees a sale on at a video shop.
When he stops to look he sees a video called "Everton : The Glory Years". The guy enters the shop and asks how much the video costs.
The shop owner replies, "$300".
The Everton supporter exclaims "What! Im not paying $300 just for a video!"
The shop owner says "No, don't be silly, the video is $5 - the Beta-Max video player is $295!"
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Can I be more thrilled that Liverpool are the only club even relatively safe for advancing in the Champions League?? hah I'd be more thrilled if it were the Mighty City that's for sure..but omg. I have a soft spot for Liverpool. It could be because the Footie Geeza is a supporter. It could be because I dream of a very dirty midfield threesome between Steven Gerrard, Xabi Alonso, and myself. It's likely because Liverpool supporters hate Manchester United as much as I do--and not because they are neutral ABUs, though the second reason does weigh heavily. Sadly, I didn't get a chance to watch any of the matches this week because of work commitments.
Only two of the matches will be that interesting next week. I think that Milan and Roma might have the hardest trek ahead of them of all the teams (not including PSV lol 3 away goals). Both for the same reason: They are going into really tough stadiums to score against, and they must score and win. Even without the Ginja Ninja(the man to bring Oldham Athletic back to the Premiership), United are going to score at least once at OT, and it's going to be very difficult for Roma to score at all. If Roma can hold United to 1 goal and score they'd advance which gives them an easier time (slightly) than AC Milan
Basically, Milan have to win. A 1-1 draw does them no good (it'd give Bayren winning on AG) and it's going to be really fucking hard for them to score 2 goals in Munich. Also the fact that this is going to be a super high scoring match with Milan on the bitch end, isn't going to help either.
Valencia are going to advance--Chelsea are not going to get the quadrupile (haha), the treble (lollll), or anything else. (Up the Rovers for the FA Cup)
Predictions:
Man United 2 - 1 Roma
Bayren Munich 3 - 1 AC Milan
Chelsea 0 - 1 Valencia
LFC Reserves 15 - 0 PSV (sorry I mean 1-0 Liverpool will sleep)
One fateful weekend last year the Footie Geeza and I went to the pub to watch City play Sunderland. That day we met three crazy Norwegians. Norwegians are as insane irl as they are online. It's great fun. Anyway, since that day, we've both been following IK Start from Kristanstaad, who we were assured by our new Norveeegian friends are the best team in all of Europe.
The upcoming Norwegian league starts this Monday and they play a 26 game season. All of Scandinavia has a fucked up schedule because of all the fucking ice and blonde ladies. That's why the Patron Saint of Glasgow was able to play for Manchester United before returning to Sweden (will have to post funny Favorite Swede story later today).
Anyway, the Geeza wanted me to make some predictions on the norveeegian league. Last year, Hamar Kam and Molde FK were relegated to the second division, and Stromsgodset and Aalesund were promoted to the top flight. Onto the predictions...
1) Rosenborg
2) Lillestrom
3) Brann Bergen
4) Valerengen
5) Viking Stavanger
6) IK Start
7) Stabaek
8) Lyn SFK
9) Stromsgodset
10) Tromso
11) Fredrikstad
12) Odd Grenland
13) Sandefjord
14) Aalesund
Up The Citizens
Liverpool is fucking boring
Andy Johnson is a bald sex machine.
That's really all you needed to know about the past week in English Footie
SNOW DAY!!!!!! or ICE DAY!!!! I'm going home for the crappy weather and I'm thrilled. :)
Almost as thrilled as I will be when Chelsea gains on United to win the Premiership. WAit.. that was a horrible and untrue way to make this post football related!
And that's the truth....
There's all this fuss about a non-starter in the football league. Basically whether or not the football league will scrap draws and replace them with golden goal extra periods and eventually penalty shootouts.
A comment in Who Ate All the Pies? told everyone to be on the lookout to see what Ollie said about it on Sky News.
I did some googling as I rock the google out and found this article:
Plymouth boss Ian Holloway echoed the views saying the idea was 'a moment of madness'.
'Has an American taken over the Football League or something because they don't like draws in their soccer matches do they,' he said.
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While clearing out my desk looking for my Neville magnet I found the following.
That's right, some old shoot out cards!!
I rock. Except at using the scanner, because I somehow scanned all my pictures as one image but it's only captured two of them.
Oh well.
Neville magnet still missing. I've cleaned out my desk and everything--wondering if maybe I might have taken it off after the Manc Derby and forgot about it.
Why couldn't they have stolen my Cashley Cole McDonald's England shirt from the World Cup. Some people have no class!!!
Suggestions for replacements to my Neville Magnet?
Anyone want to send me a magnent with Ronaldo in a Portugal shirt?
My most favorite kopite sent me news this morning of Joey Barton's arrest...I was on the subway though, and couldn't respond or look for the news.
Subject: joeys been arrested
Assault and crim damage
Bbc.co.uk/sport
Haha
You are the new west ham
But it appears chairman John Wardle has decided a change of manager is needed - and has already placed Bolton boss Sam Allardyce and Wigan counterpart Paul Jewell at the top of his wanted list.
Let's look at the Quarter Finals, she says realising with everything going on with Footie Mam and Footie Job, she forgot to write about the last round--oh I don't care.
Boro 2 - 2 Man Utd. The better team in this matchup wound up getting screwed by a penalty from a rapist after an inadvertant handball. ;) Boro were the stronger side throughout. They will lose at Old Trafford.
Spurs 3 - 3 Chelsea Jesus Christ, another draw!! This one though, Chelsea did deserve. Fat Frank was on fire--I hate this man.
It's important to note that the two above matches took place before the one immediately below. Why? Because even though I knew City would lose, I was holding on to some bit of wide eyed optimism--and if we DID win, we might face Boro or Spurs against whom City may have had a fighting chance--well. It wouldn't be the blow out of Chelski/Utd. This is before the match and before I watched 7000 of my brothers and sisters confirm to the world just what Mancunians are made of and turn on each other. *headshake*
Blackburn 2 - 0 The Mighty Manchester City Lovely. I was speaking with another City supporter from Doncaster actually, while the first goal was scored. Both of us were surprised that it was 20 odd minutes in before The Rovers Scored against City. City were poor. The better team won. The Match was QUITE physical though, and I'm always a fan of physicality. There are three things that I don't get: Why take Sun Jihai off? Why did Mpenza go on so late? What the hell was Didi Hamman on? He was an animal, unfortunately none of that energy was directed well--does he wish he didn't go to that McDonald's in Bolton now?
Plymouth 0 - 1 Watford Ollie is my favorite manager, next to psycho (who I would <3 even if he wasn't with City). Watford showed that no matter how poor they are performing in the League that the are a Premiership side.
I don't agree with a lot of the articles I've read that say that this was a scrappy match--to me that means that Argyle almost equalised which apart from some barely on target shots, was just not the case. Well done Watford, hopefully you can show up in the next round!
FA Cup semi-final draw:
Blackburn v Chelsea or Tottenham
Watford v Middlesbrough or Manchester United
When (if) United beat Boro, Watford can not play Ben Foster, as he is on Loan from United. This is going to basically assure that United are in the finals--i mean, not like playing Watford no matter who is in goal doesn't assure that, but still.
I meant to watch the Old Firm yesterday, but I got all kindsa screwed up by Dubya's daylight savings two weeks early bullshit and kinda didn't get up in time, even though clockwise it meant getting to the pub an hour later, real time wise it meant, still fucking early and I stayed in bed. (Only City and and sometimes footie geeza's LFC will get me outta bed and on the 630am train on a weekend).
Needless to say, I was disappointed (especially after the dramatic fashion in which Milan knocked Celtic out of the Champions League), but with the SPL this season, does this game REALLY matter? It's bragging rights, and I know that the Celtic Supporters Club that meets at my local weren't happy. But--come on it would take a train wreck for Celtic not the win the SPL.
1 Celtic 30 34 74
2 Rangers 30 25 58
I *do* find it interesting that the way the Scottish FA choose to banish Sectarianism from the match is to---invite relgious leaders to look at how the supporters wait til they're down the road before they start fighting. In my head that equates to what the anti-war kids say around these parts "War for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity"
What's funnier is the fact that it was the St. Patrick's Day Pararde in Philly and there were a shit load of Fauxirsh (Fake Irish--"I'm 100% irish my great great great grandmother was born there") wearing Celtic Shirts (because they are a Irish team, ya know), probably wondering why there were all these Scottish guys stood around looking sad--or maybe they thought they were Irish and offered to buy Paddy a pint.
"If you listen to me speaking I say the kind of word you mention 10 times in every 15 words," he said. "If you have a microphone on the dugout, I say that during the game 20 times, easy. The word can be abusive if you understand it as an abusive word. I tell the word to my players when I am not happy. I say it 50 times in a game, 50 times in training and I don't want to be offensive. I can be emotional, but I am polite. I never want to be offensive with somebody."
Seriously, even if you tangically follow English football, just read this quote and you know who said it.
I don't have a jump widget installed but I'll try to keep the suspence with some space
....................
......................
Jose Mourinho, the (Short Bus) Special One.
This was in response to him calling Mike Riley a son of a Whore, during yesterday's FA Cup Tie with Spurs, which I guess sounds a bit classier in a Romance language than in Cockerney. It's clearly on television but good ol' "No Red Cards unless you're Liverpool" Riley didn't report it and when the FA asked him he said nothing happened.
I think that Paul Jewell should start cursing in Portugese as well, maybe he wouldn't have all the trouble with Phil Dowd he's having now.
and yes, Mof, from pies... you are not alone. I do the same for Rafa but it's not as funny.
I'm currently at a different pub--an Oirish one, on the day of the St. Paddy's Day Parade in a largely Oirish city.
UP THE CITIZENS!!!!!!
I have no delusions of grandeur towards this match--but I'd be thrilled!
Quarter-final draw
AC Milan v Bayern Munich
PSV Eindhoven v Liverpool
Roma v Manchester United
Chelsea v Valencia
First legs: April 3-4; second legs: April 10-11
Semi-final draw
Chelsea/Valencia v PSV/Liverpool
Roma/Manchester United v AC Milan/Bayern Munich
First legs: April 24-25; second legs: May 1-2. Final: May 23 (Athens)
Well, There's Liverpool in Athens. Maybe Versus United?
Oh btw, even though I didn't do as brilliantly in the first knockout as I've done in the group stage.. my fantasy champion's league team is still kick ass.
I have just discovered a fantastically devious site through Pies, so I'm obviously late to the party here. It's called Kickette and it's footballer gossip and fangirl-ness. I am not for the fangirlness (Though I do have Steven Gerrard in an England shirt as my work desktop) but the gossip and stories are A+++.
For example, earlier this week they wrote of A new reality TV show "I Want to Be A Wag" all these girls prostitute themselves out for some Tramere Rovers (my guess) Supa Star and at the end, he proposes marriage to the lucky winner.
You can't make this shit up and I wish my UKNova account wasn't suspended. First I lose my corrie fix and now this!
Jesus Christ! Someone at work stole my Gary Nevile England Magnet / Practise Target!!!!
It was sent to me by my favorite Scouser because of my hate for Mr. Nevile and the fact that he and I share a birthday.
Someone's gonna get it!
